How to Deal with Jealousy in Polyamory

Ahhhhh yes, there it is. That feeling. It's jealousy. It’s a feeling like any other. But some emotions are more uncomfortable than others so we push them away, as deeply and as far away as possible. But emotions do not disappear, they manifest into other forms when left unacknowledged and unattended... leaving us and our relationships exhausted and resentful. Can we embrace that jealousy is absolutely bound to come up, especially in polyamory, where our loves may have other loves?

With jealousy — our culture often shames, avoids and hides from even admitting it, which doesn’t give us the opportunity to understand and grow from it. And how can we work thru it, soothe it and feel it in our bodies if we run from it? We must allow ourselves to recongnize it with kindness. I know... it hurts.

If jealousy is here, let us show up for it with compassion by naming it, asking for support, being curious about it and assessing our needs around it. We are human and it is bound to show up. And that' s okay. And it's okay to ask for help. You don't have to be alone in your feelings. Emotions are part of our existnece. Even if you are polyamory for decades and love it and even write books on it! — it may still arise... and that's okay. Let's invite it in and ask it what it needs, gently.

It takes time but the more we practice and feel supported in this emotion the more we can learn to navigate it with self-kindness. Here are some tips on how to navigate jealousy with your Self and your Loves: *I have a dance video version of this post on TikTok if you prefer a little 80's vibe. :)

• Embrace and accept that jealousy is an emotion.

• Don't shame it! Do you name it.

• Jealous feelings can feel very uncomfortable so be tender with your Self.

• Ask your loves to be tender with you, let them know what you are feeling and what your fears are.

• Be curious about what activated it.

• Do your relationship agreements need to be revisited?

• What support do you need and how can you soothe yourself?

• What feelings are underneath your jealousy? Sadness, anger, fear, abandonment loss of control, fear, resentment? Expolore these deeper feelings. Have you felt them before? Maybe in your childhood? Or in other intimate relationships? • How have you coped in the past? • Can you allow it to move thru your body with journaling, walking, being in nature, talking to a friend or a Therapist?

• What beliefs fuel your jealousy? Is their evidence it will happen?

• Let's talk about jealousy openly and in a way that feels safe for everyone involed so we can learn and grow together. • Create a plan together for when it comes up so you aren't caught off guard and you can truly support your Self.

• Set goals for how you all want to show up.

• Keep practicing you got this!

🌹 Fox Eros, Psychotherapist Book a Consultation Fox on Social

foxerosinlove.com