When Polyamory Hurts

Everyone shows up to Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy differently. And along the Opening-Up journey and having a ‘many-loves-lifestyle’ — some feel deeply hurt by the whole experience.

ENM is often a new experience for people. This can be exhilarating and complicated as we learn a new way to be intimate. Love is vulnerable — therefore ENM and our Partners have deep access to our most tender parts. And this is where the fantasy of what ENM “could be” — intersects with the reality of new people and experiences having access to parts we may be trying / needing to protect.

Opening-up and practicing ENM in a manner that feels good so that you WANT to keep doing it is going to require an elevated amount of relationship skills in communication and building trust. As well as feeling super safe & secure in your Self AND trusting your Loves. And all of this requires consistently working together, being on the same page and learning co-regulation & soothing skills.

Successful Polyamory is kind, it is Tribal, it is inclusive, it is aware of everyone’s well-being, it honors everyone’s consent and it has continuous Check-Ins of: • “How are you doing?” • “How is this for you?” • “What do you need?” • “How can I show up for you?” ENM is constant effort and for some this feels delicious; while for others it may be too much… and that’s okay too.

Define Consent with your Loves. For me it means that everyone knows, everyone wants to, and everyone agrees to each and every thing. And we can ALWAYS revoke our consent at ANY time. If you feel pressured, ongoing activation and negative emotions, talk to your Loves, ask for support and spend time connecting to your “Why” for ENM knowing that you ALWAYS have a choice.

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foxerosinlove.com *Disclaimer: This content is for educational and informational purposes, not as a replacement for therapy.