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When You Aren't Getting What You Need

  • Writer: Fox Eros
    Fox Eros
  • Jul 14
  • 2 min read

Updated: Oct 8


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As a Relationships Therapist I have observed that we often want the other person to change (been there, done that). When we are uncomfortable we want the environment, person or situation to change. If it would just adjust, stop doing that thing, f*ck off or disappear… we’d feel at peace. It is our human nature to avoid discomfort, conflict, pain & suffering. I don’t like feeling unsettled, anxious or unhinged. It’s trash. I have compassion for this part of us.


Thru my evolution I now KNOW that I CANNOT control anyone. I literally do not have that power. I am up against their upbringing, genetics, past wounds, traumas, narratives, beliefs, wishes, hopes and defense mechanisms. On top of that it takes the brain time to relearn and develop new neuro connections in order to change, plus continuous motivation to practice that change. Whoa Nellie!



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Therefore my loves, you are released from trying to change anyone. And what a relief that is. You only must focus on adjusting your Self and that means setting boundaries and upholding them when they are crossed. Easier said than done I know, but with practice, it’s the skill that keeps giving.


So if you’re constantly upset about the same thing consider taking space, reflecting, soothing your Self and caring for your body. And YES do make requests from the people you care about and if they can meet your needs — wonderful. If not, pause and reflect on how you’d like to proceed. Do you make the request again? Negotiate? Meet your own need? Change your mind? Take space?


Get quiet and check in with your body, let it speak to you. The body knows. The mind can be busy, it’s not always accurate and it has a lot of defensive mechanisms so breathe and feel-in to YOU baby doll.


You’ve got this you beautiful life force! I adore you and you are relieved from trying to control others. Nice to meet you inner peace.


🌹 Fox Eros, M.A., AMFT Book a Consultation


*Disclaimer: This blog content is for informational & educational purposes only, NOT as a substitute for professional therapy.


"We will reclaim our Self worth, body, pleasure and peace of mind.
These are acts of radical liberation — these are our birth rights."
~ With Love, Fox Eros

Fox Eros, AMFT BBS #137653
Supervised by Patrice Bone: LMFT #93803
Employed by Therapy UnScripted: A Marriage & Family Therapy Corporation

* Land Acknowledgment - I honor the land I am on of the Chumash and Gabrielino-Tongva peoples

Verified on Psychology Today and  PolyFriendly.org

© 2025 by Fox Eros, Fox Eros in Love, The Polyamory Therapist is a division of
Therapy UnScripted: A Marriage & Family Therapy Corporation.'

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