The Perfect Polyamorist Doesn't Exist
- Fox Eros
- May 7, 2024
- 2 min read
Our culture’s sense of urgency and perfectionism has seeped its dirty little hands into our hearts, minds and relationships and I won’t stand for it! Perfectionism and urgency have no place in love, specifically polyamory. You absolutely DO NOT need to be perfect at polyamory in order to be polyamorous. You will make mistakes, it can be difficult (more humans, more hurts, more feels, more risk), and that’s okay. You get to be new at this.
There’s this unrealistic social pressure that we be ambitious, successful admired, rich, popular, ‘socially’ attractive & exceptional at everything right away & for always. On every level, this is a toxic framework for human beings & our mental health. Likely, no one taught you how to love many people at once and you grew up with monogamy as your only relationship model. Society’s urgent / perfectionism expectations are destructive in polyamory; which many of us are new at, need time to grow in, learn & adapt.
Consent, communication & kindness are the necessary elements of polyamory. If you are practicing with those, you are doing it ‘right’… and STILL you may experience big emotions, jealousy, breakups, primal panic and you may make mistakes because — you are human, you have a heart and you will be forever learning.
Perfectionism can be rooted in fear of rejection & abandonment. With compassion, let’s reclaim our time, bodies & peace by moving at a pace that honors our natural rhythm in polyamory. Reclaim your Self loves. This is an act of radical self-love & acceptance.
• How do we make space to honor our human nature while we ease into it?
• How do we practice compassion, forgiveness, repair for ruptures, grace for our Selves & Lover(s)?
• How do we focus on what we value, vs. society’s value?
Love is like an art form, it’s being created and developing as it’s influenced by the many people involved. It needs space, compassion and permission to evolve. This can be difficult when even our Self isn’t at peace in our own bodies and minds due to the world’s chaotic nature, and all we’ve endured.
It’s truly an act of radial liberation to reclaim your Self, go slow, connect, and love with your heart. I see you out there being brave and rising above what no longer serves you.
Polyamory Affirmation: “I let go of urgency culture and perfectionism, I embrace my heart & body’s timing in my polyamory journey — I reclaim my Self.”
Fox Eros, M.A., Therapist (AMFT)
