A love letter to the people pleaser inside us...
Do you know the people pleaser / fawner / I’ll do what you want / please love me / do you accept me / I need you to not be mad, annoyed or too quiet / just show me I’m not in trouble - girl? She’s small. She’s young. She doesn’t know I’m grown now and I can handle business.
My fawning part is flooded with needs that have never been met, she is dizzy. Young one, you’ve left me with no space for the woman I am today. You cloud my filter, standing on my lungs suffocating me. Making me forget that I have reclaimed my time / my pleasure-body / my sensuality / my power. I am my life force. I stand before you now — as a BADDIE - FEMME. You see me?
And still… when fawn shows up, I love her. I hold her close and tell her thank you — I see you. I see you are exhausted from trying to protect me and keep me safe. I love you dearly and still… I need you to step aside. I’ve got this. I’ve got you. You are released from this role. I can protect my Self now.
And still… eventually… these shamed criticized terrified parts show up… maybe in our bodies as physical manifestations, in our relationships as outbursts, stuck points in our intimacy, or socially as isolation.
Unhealed energy is real. It pushes up against our bodies burning in our blood, and if we cannot hear it, listen to it and help release it— it will always find a way to seep out into thin air. Our air, the air we breathe, the air your loved ones breathe. Sometimes this will be destructive to others, sometimes this will be destructive to Self. Beautiful Self. Worthy Self. You are worthy of healing, Self.
These parts that hyper-vigilently protect the most vulnerable parts of us are inadvertently keeping us from healing. They will do anything not to feel. To feel is to remember, relive, become paralyzed, to ache and feel outrage. Sometimes, with strong support and unconditional compassion — we begin to process the original hurt — this is how we begin to heal.
I am yours - Self. #partswork #ifs #internalfamilysystems Fox Eros, M.A., Therapist (AMFT)