I have experienced monogamy and polyamory and regardless of my chosen relationship structure, I have always felt the erotic energy we call “chemistry” between myself and other people. Randomly crossing paths with people… I can feel drawn to their personality, charm, beauty, soul… all that jazz. I love that jazz. I love humans.
In monogamy I feel I must keep this a secret as if my eyes and soul no longer register chemistry or attraction. And in my evolving polyamorous orientation I realize how erotic it can be to share with my Lover what lights me up — if they consent to wanting to know of course. I also wish to know who he is drawn to. And together we have created agreements and gone at a similar & slow pace of sharing this kind of knowledge with each other so we don’t become overwhelmed or to fearful that we will lose each other in a polyamory fantasy (aka nightmare).
I’d love to know if you and your Lover(s) have rituals that make you feel and know, you are chosen by each other at times when you are also choosing other Lover(s). How do you communicate your crushes and fantasies? How have you created safety and security in your relationship so that sharing has become more knowledge / erotic-based vs. I-may-lose-you-based?
Wishing you all the loves and many loves,
Fox Eros, M.A., Therapist (AMFT)
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